As I continue healing and growing from narcissistic wounds, I intentionally look for opportunities to share these new life skills with my children and grandchildren.

Each day brings with it much more than grief and healing from narcissistic trauma. Even though I allow for times of grieving, I also make time for friendships, walks, sips of warm tea, and reflections on the gift of life.

While finding my way out of the haze of narcissistic abuse, I have sought pillar people who are non-judgmental, good listeners, empathetic, and willing to speak truth when needed. As I continue this journey of growth and healing, I pray that God will also instill these qualities within me for others.

Yet, closer examination of the parable reveals that the widow asks for protection and justice—a very different request from mine. When the cry of my heart pivoted from changing the heart of the narcissist to providing for my protection and rescue, God acted quickly.

Accepting that each layer will reveal new icks that require the work of emotional processing, grieving, and releasing them into God’s hands felt overwhelming. I left the counseling office discouraged. Once again life required me to face it as it was rather than as I thought or hoped it to be. Healing after a narcissistic relationship.

Based upon what I know is true about God, I realize my primary question for God, “Why did You let me marry a narcissist?” contradicts my belief in God’s sovereignty and His gift of free will.

Based upon what I know is true about God, I realize my primary question for God, “Why did You let me marry a narcissist?” contradicts my belief in God’s sovereignty and His gift of free will.

By the time my narcissistic spouse said, “I don’t love you” for the third time, I concluded, “I must learn to manage a home and finish raising the children without his love—since that must be all God has for me, a loveless marriage.”

A church marquee posted in bold black letters, “Genuine love expects nothing in return.” Collections of blanket statements like this contributed to my on-going and imbalanced giving, loving, sacrificing, and forgiving of my narcissistic spouse, while expecting nothing in return.

God’s reassuring promise offers comfort for me today. Yet, I wonder how God can reclaim the decades of my life lost to the futile efforts of repairing a narcissistic relationship.

Establishing and maintaining my boundaries with a narcissist simply felt too exhausting and emotionally draining. God used that pastor’s words to reveal to me where He was working in my life. I instantly knew it was time to stop complaining, to get up, and to stand firm within my boundaries!

Navigating my way out of a trigger response to narcissistic bullying. Meditation on this promised provision, wise counsel, relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, and peaceful background music helped bring me out of hypervigilance and back to the feeling of safety. I found my hiding place in God.

God offers joy, an essential ingredient for rebuilding my life after the wreckage of a narcissist relationship. When joy feels illusive, as if playing hide and seek, I have learned to search out pleasurable moments hiding in plain sight

God gifted me that home for a season of my life. Leaving it hurt deeply. The house now shelters another growing family as they make their own memories.

My experience of the narcissistic abuse cycle felt like periods of darkness illuminated by light. Yet, rather than coming out of darkness and remaining in the light, the pattern would repeat itself. Darkness always followed seasons of light. Eventually, my attempts to prevent an episode of darkness by withholding my opinion or my need only served to dim the very light of my presence.

Viewing Naomi’s life from her limited perspective helps me accept God’s sovereignty over circumstances in my own life. It also reminds me that God is accomplishing much more than I can see today, or even in my lifetime. I pray that “doing the next thing” with faith in God’s overarching plan will have an eternal impact on His Kingdom and on the remaining chapters of my life’s story.

An undercurrent of longing flows through most of the wounds. Some, like the unmet need for emotional attachment, go all the way back to my childhood inability to attach to my narcissistic father.

Meaningful conversations during the early courting days vanished after marriage. He hijacked my words, explained away my feelings, and redirected my preferences to accommodate his.

After a lifetime of observing God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness, I come before Him with shards of a life fractured by narcissism. I eagerly surrender these shards, my whole self, to Him because He has brought me from death to life.

Betrayal is devastating. The nature of narcissism involves multiple patterns of betrayal woven throughout the relationship.

The guidance that my narcissistic spouse interjected during those emotionally volatile teenage years often created a toxic undercurrent. However, I failed to intervene when I did not agree with his parenting style. I regret not addressing my concerns more often.

Two forces tussle in my mind: 1) the emotional demands of healing from the psychological wounding of a narcissistic relationship, and 2) the encroaching demands of assuming care-giving responsibilities for a family member.

My optimism faded, drained by long-term stress from my inability to please my narcissistic spouse. I ached for joy to rescue me, but, instead, I entered a season of deep grief. During that period of grieving, I was surprised to discover brief moments of joy breaking through in unexpected ways.

my narcissist spouse failed to care about the muddied emotional water the children and I often drank—the aftermath of his narcissistic entitlement, his need for validation, and his search for narcissistic supply.