Wilted but not Withered

 …whose leaf does not wither…

Psalms 1:3

I wilted under the stifling defeat of attempting to effectively communicate with my narcissistic spouse. In addition to this defeat, the resources I turned to disappointed—the counsel of friends, Christian marriage books, and therapists.

My confusion clouded my realization that friends only saw the fabricated image he presented. I quickly realized that their counsel also came from personal experiences in functional marriages. The books I consulted targeted marriages with two healthy partners working together to resolve conflict. The counselors I consulted only focused on increasing my communication skills.

Once I understood narcissism, I grieved my efforts to be heard. I labeled it “a season of wandering in an emotional desert.” However, though my soul wilted during this wandering, it did not ”wither”. The LORD watched over me and nourished the deepest places of my wilted soul with His Word.

Blessed is the one…

whose delight is in the law of the LORD,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither….

Psalm 3:1-3

My closet tears and time spent seeking God sustained the essence of who I was, God’s child. He heard my cries and saw my brokenness—and sustained me.

Father, thank you for protecting the deepest part of me, my soul, during those dry years. I trust you, Lord, to revitalize and fulfill Your promise to not only cause me to flourish but, with time, to even prosper. May You be glorified in the process. In the name of your revitalizing Son, Jesus, I pray, amen.

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