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Do not judge, or you too will be judged….
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.
Matthew 7:1, 6
Jesus’ teachings help guide me through the complexities of human relationships. Yet, His admonition to not judge or you too will be judged (Matt. 7:1) followed by “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (v. 3) often stopped me from acknowledging the narcissist’s hurtful actions.
I found it easier to evaluate my actions and make the necessary adjustments such as:
“What did I do to provoke that reaction?”
“How can I change the way I speak?”
“Perhaps I’m not sensitive enough to their moods.”
“Maybe I expect too much.”
I judged my own actions so harshly that, with time, I silenced my “self.”
With fresh eyes I saw beyond Jesus’ rebuke of “hypocritical judging” to the exhortation to discern character! My study bible included these notes:
“Christ’s command (to avoid hypocritical judging) does not preclude assessing another’s basic character—whether one is a dog (v. 6) or a false prophet (v. 15) or whether one’s life shows fruit (v. 16). Evaluate character (Jn. 7:24) and choose between good and bad people and things sexually immoral (1 Cor. 5:9); and those who masquerade as angels of light (2 Cor. 11:15); The Christian is to test everything (1 Ti. 5:21).” *
Assessing my relationship with the narcissist required courage and emotional strength. Acknowledging its toxicity and my powerlessness to change their behavior also required humility. Doing so, though, readied my heart to take steps of faith toward healing and, with time, wholeness.
Father, Your Son told us to ask and seek. I ask for and seek the truth of my narcissistic relationship. Help my eyes and heart see what I need to see, however painful that might be. Empower me to release it into Your hands and seek Your healing for my wounded heart. May You be glorified in each step of faith I take. In Your Son’s name I pray, amen.
* NIV Study Bible, Zondervan 2008 Update
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