The Anguish of Parental Alienation

… I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”

Nehemiah 6:9b

The opportunity to gaze upon archeological remnants of the wall Nehemiah rebuilt around Jerusalem came to mind as I read the story in Nehemiah 6. Mark Bubeck identified the lies, intimidation, and attempts to discredit Nehemiah during the rebuild as spiritual warfare*.  

Seeing Nehemiah’s obstacles with fresh eyes helped me clarify a challenge I faced as I attempted to rebuild my own life—an adult child distancing themself from me. Realizing that the narcissist’s false narrative had contributed to that detachment amplified my anguish even more.

Wise counsel directed me toward the work of grieving the loss of the relationship, of waiting patiently with an open heart, and of praying that my child would, in time, find their way to truth.

Identifying the deception as Satan’s strategy for discouraging my heart and sabotaging my progress toward healing brought clarity to my pain and insight for my prayers. I now pray for my child’s freedom from bondage to that false narrative, just as I once needed freedom from bondage to my own false narrative—both inspired by the instigator of all deception, Satan.

Nehemiah prayed that God would strengthen his hands (Nehemiah 6:9b). I pray that God will strengthen my heart. Just as God empowered Nehemiah to persevere in the task he received, God will empower me in the task He entrusted to me—reclaiming my identity, trusting Him to restore the relationship with my child, and growing in the emotional freedom found only in Jesus Christ.

Father, thank You for opening my eyes to the deception that fuels my pain and confusion. Just as You strengthened Nehemiah’s hands to persevere in the work before him, strengthen my heart for the work before me. Be glorified each day of my life. In Jesus’ precious name I pray, amen.

*Mark I. Bubeck, Preparing for Battle, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999).

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