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Surviving the Wilderness

Alice N


Healing from narcissistic abuse initially feels like hauling off boulders of emotional pain and heaving stones of despair over the fence. For believers, this focused work fits under the broader umbrella of becoming more like Christ, i.e. sanctification.

 

…if only we had died in Egypt (Numbers 14:2).

(Read of their grumbling here: Numbers 14)

 

Memories of my own groaning echoed in my heart when I read the Old Testament account of the Israelites’ desert experience. Their lament, “Would that we had died in the land of Egypt (rather than face the challenges ahead), reminded me of similar words spoken in my counselor’s office.


Only a short time before, doctors doubted that I would recover from an illness. I did recover, though, and now faced a despairing realization—narcissism had been the unidentified source for the challenges in my marriage. Facing the narcissist’s final emotional discard fueled my despair.


I voiced the same emotions to my counselor as the Israelites, “This doesn’t make sense to me. I wish I had died rather than surviving to face this painful reality.”


“God isn’t finished writing your story,” he replied softly.


I left broken, afraid, and with the same blinded eyes as the Israelites.


The words, “God has not finished writing your story,” provided enough encouragement to face the wilderness experience that loomed before me. And, just as God faithfully guided the frightened and bewildered Israelites, He has done the same for me.


He has also given me eyes of humble gratitude for seeing His gift-wrapped blessings and tender provisions as He continues to write my story.


Father, as I read all those stories of individuals in scripture, it is hard to imagine that I, too, have a story that is part of Your on-going Kingdom work. May each day You gift me with life bring glory and honor to Your name. In Your Son’s name, Jesus, I pray, amen.



 

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