Seeking God’s Will

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.”

Matthew 26:39

I wrestled with God over the devastating decision to divorce my narcissistic spouse. For months I sought other alternatives. I prayed for wisdom and for God to make a way, any way other than divorce*. God transformed that emotionally isolating struggle when I remembered Jesus prayed a similar type of prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane—a prayer seeking an alternative path.

Jesus sweat drops of blood over what He faced, an excruciating death and bearing the weight of all mankind’s sin. I cried endless tears over the stigma of divorce; the embarrassment of failing at my marriage; the breaking up my family; the loss of finances, and the crumbling of my dream of growing old together with someone I loved.

When Jesus concluded His prayer with “…not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39), I realized I needed that same level of submission and trust.

I marvel that with time, God’s grace did transform my heart to be able to pray, “…not as I will, but as you will.”

Jesus’ death conquered the power of sin and darkness. His victory empowered me to experience those same realities—victories readily available for all who ask.

Father, thank You for Your Son’s sacrificial death making a way for me to bring my losses and requests to You. Creatively continue to assimilate this devastation into my life’s story and redeem it for Your eternal glory. It is in the name of Your obedient Son, Jesus, I pray, amen.  

© makingsenseofmylife.com

*Divorce is not an option for everyone in a narcissistic marriage or in other scenarios such as caring for an aging narcissistic parent. Even though finances, cultural and religious constraints, and health issues often limit options, I consistently witness God providing strength and wisdom for personal boundaries and for self-care.