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Alice N

Reclaiming My Identity



Healing from narcissistic abuse initially feels like hauling off boulders of emotional pain and heaving stones of despair over the fence. For believers, this focused work fits under the broader umbrella of becoming more like Christ, i.e. sanctification.

 

“I am not who I think I am.

I am not who you think I am.

I am who I think you think I am.”

 

Charles Cooley, American sociologist

 

A digital calendar with our family schedule failed to prove I informed the narcissist of the activity. I was negligent in keeping them informed.


Toys on the playroom floor signaled, I was an inadequate housekeeper.


Purchasing ice cream other than their favorite flavor indicated I did not esteem their preference.


With time, I identified as an inefficient scheduler, a negligent housekeeper, and an inattentive spouse. Numerous false identities accumulated over the decades. I clearly believed as Charles Cooley stated, I am who I think you think I am.


Healing involved reclaiming my authentic identity, the person God created as well as the one He had redeemed by grace.


“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (John 3:10).


“We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works…” (Ephesians 2:10).


“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” (1 Cor. 12:27).


I realized I sought emotional safety in complying, trying harder, and setting aside my opinions and dreams. The Holy Spirit gently revealed a heart-freeing truth. What I thought I lost, (opinions, interests, and laughter), was not lost, only silenced.


As I find my way back to myself, God dependably provides safe friendships and enriching opportunities for re-engaging with His unique creation—Me!


Father, I want to see myself as You see me rather than how I see myself. Open my eyes and heart to Your creativity and Your design for my life. May You be glorified in each day forward! In Jesus' name I pray, amen.



 

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