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…the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
James 1:3
My mother persevered in the trials of her narcissistic marriage, and I admired her strength. I, too, persevered in my narcissistic marriage. I believed I followed the biblical admonition in James 1: 4 to allow perseverance to finish its work so that I would be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. However, to me, persevering meant trying harder and trusting God more to fix things.
I persevered for decades, believing my endurance in my relationship with a narcissistic spouse honored God just as James taught. What I thought was endurance, though, was a codependent trait I brought with me from my family—an excessive sense of responsibility for the way others act*.
Eventually, my extreme sense of responsibility contributed to the bond of trauma that it created with my narcissistic husband. I thought I honored God, but I jogged on a treadmill fueled by emotional trauma instead.
Now that I have broken free of the trauma bond, I see the deeper meaning of James 1:4. James wrote of persevering in my faith in God rather than in my ability to tolerate the trials of abuse.
I am still persevering in my faith walk, but this time, my focus and faith rest in the character of God rather than in my efforts to accommodate narcissistic behaviors. I trust that God’s love, presence, care, and provision will sustain me as He finishes His work in me—so that, one day, I will be mature and complete. What a glorious day that will be!
Dear Father, thank you for bringing me to a new understanding of perseverance and for the emotional freedom this realization brings. Thank You for being the source of all strength to live for You. Empower me to live out Your plans for this new season of my life for Your glory. In the precious name of Your Son, Jesus, I pray, amen.
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