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  • Alice N

Living in the Moment



Healing from narcissistic abuse initially feels like hauling off boulders of emotional pain and heaving stones of despair over the fence. For believers, this focused work fits under the broader umbrella of becoming more like Christ, i.e. sanctification.

 

“…tomorrow will worry about itself.”

Matthew 6:34

 

For years, I struggled to relax, let go, unwind. I’d often read Jesus’ words of caring for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. I marveled at His tender care of creation. But, when He asked, “Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matt. 6: 26), I hesitated. I knew the answer was “yes,” so why did I struggle to release my concerns about tomorrow to His care?  


Why did I continue to fail at obeying Jesus’ admonition to “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (v.34)?


I now know the narcissist’s unpredictable attitudes had influenced me to anticipate their future expectations. When I felt emotionally unsafe in the present, I assumed strategizing for tomorrow would help create the emotional safety I sought. Yet, anticipating tomorrow prevented me from resting in today.


As I sought fresh skills for living fully present in “today,” I discovered pulling back from future-thinking required intentional restraint. Noticing my surroundings, focusing on a friend’s conversation, or petting my dog, helped bring me back to the current moment.


Living fully present also required releasing any illusion that I could anticipate the narcissist’s moods or expectations. My hypervigilance had only served to distract my anxious thoughts rather than preventing strife.


Thanking Jesus for promising to provide and care for today and entrusting the unknown tomorrow to Him allows me to move through my day feeling more in touch with myself, with others, and with my Savior—Who cares for the flowers, the birds, and me.  


Thank You, Father, for Your loving provisions and for guiding me into the peace and wholeness You desire for me. Keep my eyes and ears alert to Your leading in all areas of my life. Continue to increase awareness of Your great love. In Your Son’s name I pray. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

© Making Sense of My Life

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