Helplessness

…apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

Helplessness immobilized me during the wilderness of my confusion and despair. Yet, helplessness ultimately became the very thing God used to draw me to Him.

I felt helpless in knowing how to respond to the narcissist’s disdain and devaluing comments. His words and his emotional isolation amplified my feeling of powerlessness. Powerlessness eventually led me to despair.

And yet, during those times, God waited patiently for my helplessness to draw me into His presence through prayer. “Ole Hallesby, a Scottish theologian, writes, “Only he who is helpless can truly pray.… Your helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God with greater effect than all your uttered pleas*.”

I discovered helplessness also brings me to the place of abiding that Jesus taught in John 15:5, when He said, “…apart from me you can do nothing.” As a branch abides, dependent on the vine for nourishment and support, so do I as a child of God.

Through my helpless abiding, I eventually accepted my inability to change the narcissist’s attitude and behaviors toward me. I also identified options for taking care of myself.

I have come to agree with O. Hallesby’s conclusion: “…thank God for the feeling of helplessness which He has given you. It is one of the greatest gifts which God can impart to us. For it is only when we are helpless that we open our hearts to Jesus and let Him help us in our distress, according to His grace and mercy.”

Father, continue to teach me how You work through my helplessness, my dependence on You, to accomplish Your will. Your mysterious ways amaze me as I lean into Your gifts of mercy and grace. In the name of Your merciful Son, Jesus, I pray, amen.  

© makingsenseofmylife.com

**O. Hallesby, Prayer, 31^st ed. (Minneapolis, Minnesota, Augsburg Publishing House, 1931), 16, 22-24.