Finding Words

… days of suffering grip me.

Job 30:16

Recovering from the disorienting experience of escaping the cycle of abuse of a long-term narcissistic relationship requires me to navigate swirls of raw emotions. In the process, I often search for words to describe the emotions that interrupt and distract me from the day’s responsibilities.

Job’s words for describing his bewilderment over his circumstances describe my own. Ten descriptors in Job 30:16-31 helped me identify the emotions to entrust to God for His healing and His grace.

· Days of suffering grip me

· Night pierces my bones

· A gnawing pain that never rests

· Reduced to dust and ashes

· Tossed about in the storm

· Hoped for good but evil came

· When I looked for light, then darkness came

· The churning inside me never stops

· Days of suffering confront me

· My harp is tuned to mourning, my flute to the sound of wailing

One day my anguish found its way to pen and paper. The churning inside me transformed into a personal lament. Finding my words that day transformed unidentified grief into something tangible—something I could hold in my hand and release to God.

I continue to look for new terms to describe unexpected triggers or occasions of sadness so I can grieve over them, bring them to God, and identify ways to care for my heart going forward. Words, along with time, insight, and God’s strength combine to move me into this new season of God’s grace.

Father, thank You for language to praise You and for the opportunity to share my life with You. Even though You know my deepest thoughts, I often do not. Thank You for revealing them to me so I can experience the light of truth, the healing of grief, and Your gift of redemption. May You be glorified in all things. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.

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