Doubting Moments

When they saw Him, they worshipped Him; but some doubted.

Matthew 28:17

While I find my way out of the consequences of narcissistic abuse, I often notice that melancholy moments fuel a sense of deep remorse. However, even though I experience grief, I struggle to identify what I grieve. These recurring shadowy emotions often tarry as unwelcomed guests. Remaining in the cloud of these nameless losses eventually tempts me to doubt God’s grace for the days ahead.

I am not alone in this vulnerability. Matthew wrote that when the disciples saw the resurrected Jesus, they worshipped him, but some doubted (Matt. 28:17b). I wonder what influenced their doubt? Was it grief or disappointment that He had not come as a ruling, conquering Messiah as they expected?

Perhaps that same sort of limited understanding fuels my own doubting—when my expectations fail to align with Jesus’ strategy for rescuing my heart. For times like these, an observation by Jim Denison challenges me:

“As long as we are fallen people living in a fallen world, we will struggle with the questions about our faith. But we can worship even as we doubt, knowing that the former (worship) will help us deal with the latter (doubt)*.”

Even when worshiping during periods of grief and doubt feels inauthentic, I have learned to worship by faith rather than by feelings. I often begin by listening to a favorite worship song. What often begins as a discipline, often transitions into genuine worship that opens my heart to trust God’s grace for both His current mercies and for His new mercies for all my tomorrows.

Father, thank You for worship as a way for my heart to rest in Your sovereignty and Your love. Reveal to me those unidentified losses in my life that await the healing work of grief and the light of Your presence. Be glorified throughout each of my doubting moments as You restore my heart and lead me deeper into Your love. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.

© makingsenseofmylife.com

*Matthew, A Guide to Genuine Discipleship, Denison Forum Guides