Clarity for Submission in Marriage

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

Much of my tolerance of narcissistic abuse resulted from my incomplete understanding of Paul’s teaching on submission. I read Paul’s words over and over: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (Ephesians 5:22-23). Submission in marriage appeared foundational for a strong marriage. I failed, though, to apply the biblical principles that preceded and followed Paul’s teaching:

In the preceding verses Paul exhorts believers to be: “filled with the Spirit” (v. 18); to “sing and make music in your heart to the Lord” (v. 19); and to “submit to one another in love out of reverence for Christ” (v. 21).

Paul followed his instruction on a wife’s submission with: “…as the church submits to Christ” (v. 24); “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy….” (v. 25); “…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” (v. 28); “…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself….” (v. 33).

As I reflect upon my confusion, I must also account for the gaslighting*, the fear of abandonment, and the trauma bonding that clouded my ability to see the accelerating toxicity of the relationship.

I affirm the role of mutual submission in healthy, spirit-filled marriages, and I bring that clarity to my prayers for the next generation. May they experience marriages that honor the God they serve.

Father, Thank You for clarity in Your Word for the role of submission of both partners in marriage. May each marriage among my heirs represent the sacrificial love You displayed for us. May they know the joy of a spirit-filled life and a spirit-led relationship. In the name of Your Son, Jesus, and His sacrificial love I pray, amen.

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*causing you to doubt your perceptions/reality