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I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the LORD sustains me. Psalm 3:5
In the earlier months of healing from narcissistic abuse I hid myself as well as my heart. The tears would not stop, and I felt too vulnerable to interact with others.
While reading Psalm 3, I realized King David also hid—across the Jordan from Jerusalem. He hid from someone with evil motives, Absalom, his son.
David’s own son deceived the citizens by standing at the city gate telling lies about his father. He raised an army of committed followers, then sought to kill his father to attain his throne. In arrogance, Absalom even built a monument to himself in the King’s Valley and named it Absalom’s Monument (2 Sam. 18:18).
As I read the story once more, I realized David struggled against the mysteriously toxic attributes of narcissism.
David never stopped loving Absalom, and even gave instructions that his soldiers were not to kill him.
Absalom did die (2 Sam. 18:14), and David went into mourning (2 Sam. 18:18).
Hiding, protecting, mourning—complicated emotions to process.
Though I am no longer hiding, self-care guides me in determining when I need to rest, to grieve, or to engage. I am not alone in the journey of navigating these unpredictable emotional currents required in healing. Just as God guided David through a very complex season of his life, He will guide me.
David recorded his experience of trusting God during his flight from Absalom.
To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. (Ps. 3:5-6)
Father, just like David, I can lie down and sleep this evening and awake to face a new day—because You sustain me. You are the same God, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and always worthy of my trust. Thank You. Amen.
© Making Sense of My Life
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